Warriors Of Peace

Ok, I think that this is the right place to put this.

I'm not entirely sure that I'm a Christian...after going through a lot of things in the Bible, I keep thinking about my actions and it doesn't add up. The problem is, now I'm asking myself what a person thinks a Christian truly is.

Don't answer that a Christian is a person who follows Christ...I know that part.

But what really is a Christian? I've tried and tried to figure it out, and it's bugging me because I feel if I can't even understand what a Christian is how do I ever have hope of being one...but then again, I do feel like I could be a Christian already...

The problem, I guess, is faith. Do I have enough faith?

Then again, maybe the problem is the mainstream church.

I'll explain: The mainstream church has an idea of a perfect Christian; i.e., a Christian who does a devotional all day, only has praises in their prayer, spreads the Word to every single person they meet, is joyous every second of the day...I don't fit that.

I do a devotional sometimes; it honestly depends on my mood that day. Sometimes it can last for hours and sometimes for mere minutes. I pray only at night (well...sometimes during the day), and most of it isn't praises. A lot of it is mass confusion about a lot of things in life. I don't spread the Word to every single person I meet. It's just not possible, at least not in my perspective. A lot of my friends are atheists and agnostics, and they've already been told those things, and don't want to hear it again. Sure, I could witness to them every day. And then the next day be found dead...anyway. Joyous every second of the day? Pretty much impossible for me. I'm depressed...genetically. I can't change that; and I don't want to force joy...I want my joy to be real, not fake.

Help...what's a Christian? How do you know if you are one?


(oh I also heard once that if you doubt your faith it's only meant to bring you closer to God...is this true?)